I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
the condom got lost in my hair
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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