I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
