i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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