hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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