I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Nicole vs. Life
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
