I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
