she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
