just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Randomize
