Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
