mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
