there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
