Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
