Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
