I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
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