Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
