A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
