Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
