I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
