So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
