I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
