Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
