ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
