I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
