remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
