Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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