just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
