so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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