i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
