It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
