even my farts smell like vagina
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
