did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
