remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
