If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
