My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
