Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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