I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize
