Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
