her vagine was all disorganized.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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