good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
