Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
