Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
