You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
