WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
