Cold hands, warm shart.
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
