After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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