Got a toothbrush?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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