I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
