I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
