you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Randomize
