Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
