If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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