All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
