i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
