Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
