Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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