You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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