I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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