Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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