Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
